So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
