Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize