I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I will pee on everything he values.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
