What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
