Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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