she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
