Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize