Soap is not a condiment
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
