pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
