I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize