Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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