nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
