I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
