What a fucking waste of an outfit
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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