If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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