i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
