At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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