Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
