YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
