I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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