Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
