I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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