so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
