I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
