Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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