I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The air was thick with penises
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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