Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
