genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Quick, to the slutcave!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
