So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
