fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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