Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
