I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
