Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
