Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
