The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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