I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
