I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
my god I love twenty year old dicks
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
