Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
