Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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