We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
