:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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