I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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