I'd wear matching sweaters with you
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
