I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
