he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize