She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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