No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
