My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
