Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
