We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
this beer tastes like vomit already
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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