Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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