I think my fart just growled at me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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