I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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