Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
