At least make sure they are 18
Why
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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