So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Come on in and take your pants off
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