yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
