I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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