apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
