the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm getting married
To pizza
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
