Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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