R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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