The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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