Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
