I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
