i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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