trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
ugly people sure do ruin things
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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